


The Ultimate Expression of Love

by orphan_account



Category: South Park
Genre: Anal Fingering, Farting, Feeding Kink, Food Kink, Gross, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Don't Even Know, Male Lactation, Other, Prostate Massage, Reader-Insert, Scat, Spanking, gender neutral reader, kind of?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-17
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-02-13 12:44:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2151180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reader x Cartman. Yes, you read that right. Reader. X. Eric Theodore Cartman.<br/>Love is just like diarrhea: you can't hold it in for too long.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ultimate Expression of Love

**Author's Note:**

> OKAY, BEFORE I SCAR YOU FOR LIFE, LET ME WARN YOU THOROUGHLY.  
> This story contains graphic descriptions of disgusting things and mockery of basic bodily functions. It is crude, raw, and flat out vomit inducing. Unless you'd like to experience yourself licking gravy off a fat eight year old boy, don't read this.  
> I mean it.  
> Don't say I didn't warn you. Do you seriously want to read this story in which you play tonsil hockey with Eric Cartman while he's taking a dump?  
> I didn't think so.

You open your bedroom door, and Eric Theodore Cartman lies on the bed, naked except for a lacy, silky hot pink thong. His stomach is slathered in KFC gravy. He moans, "Do anything you want to me..." as he farts lustfully. Seductively, he shakes his manboobs around, and traces circles in the hot gravy. "The rest of the KFC is on the nightstand...right next to the lube..."  
You grab a leg of extra crispy and drag it through the layer of gravy. "Open wide," you croon.  
He obeys. You push the chicken into his mouth, slowly running a finger down his cheek. "Good boy..." you say, as you draw the now-meatless bone out from between his thick lips.  
Your fingers run across his pale white skin, brushing against his manboobs. He squirms in pleasure.  
You grin, bemused. "Oh, you like getting your tits touched?"  
Cartman nods. You pull out another piece of KFC and scrape the rest of the gravy from his belly, quietly humming. Thrusting it in his mouth, you make sure your fingertips are greasy before pinching one of his soft, blush-pink nipples. You relax your grip, then pull your hand away.  
"I'm...so full..."  
You smirk. "Oh, poor darling...does this mean I'll have to toss the rest of the bucket? Our fridge is out, remember?"  
"Shit." He mutters, noticing the slight tightness in his underwear. "Nyeh...I can't pass up good KFC, can I?"  
You run a hand through his beautiful, glossy chestnut hair. "That's right..." you moan, your left hand slipping down to feel the curve of his soft, luscious, flabby side.  
You lay on top of him, grinning. You reach into the bucket and pull out a wing.  
"Come on...eat up..." you coo as you shove it into his mouth.  
He chews on the food for a while, expertly stripping the skin and meat off. After a minute, he spits out the bone. "I'm ready..."  
"You'd better be..." you giggle as you stuff a leg into each of his cheeks. At first Cartman looks shocked, but then begins to strip the meat off with his tongue. By this time, there's grease coating his lips and as he finishes the last bites of the last two pieces, your lips meet his.  
Hands on his luscious manboobs, you slip your tongue between his plump lips and into his mouth. You lick the skin from between his teeth. He shoves his tongue into your mouth, pressing it against yours. You respond by grinding your crotch against his swollen stomach. Skin to skin, the two of you twist and sweat and grapple.  
Cartman moans in ecstasy. He presses his beautiful ass against your groin and lets out an equally beautiful, fragrant, warm, lengthy fart.  
"I'm sexy, right?" Cartman asks sincerely.  
You giggle and lick the back of his neck. "Trust me. I like my boys like my file systems-FAT and 8."  
Your lips on one of his nipples, you slowly suck and lick at the slightly stiff pink nub. It softens at the touch of your tongue. He moans as a stream of warm milk spurts into your mouth. You come up from sucking his man-tit and spit it back into his mouth. He enthusiastically swallows the fluid.  
You then reach for the lubricant. You slather your fingers with KY.  
He gets on his knees, face downward, ass in the air, cheeks spread out.  
"Prepare your anus." You mutter as your drizzle the hole with lubricant.  
You start with one finger, gently pushing inside and twisting it around. You run your finger around the inside of his ass, opening him up enough to slide in another finger. You then reach in further, squirting a bit more lube onto the bottom of your fingers, and brush at his prostate.  
His moaning grows louder, and he grinds his ass against your hand as you go harder at his sweet spot with your middle finger. You reach around to the front, tuck your hand firmly under his stomach folds, and grasp his dick.  
He gasps, but in pleasant surprise, not anger. You put your finger on the tip, pulling back the foreskin, and run it around the head. By now, precum is dripping from the tip.  
His moans get louder, and you can feel yourself heating up. You pull the foreskin back and forth again...and again...and again as you press hard onto his p-spot. And before he can exhale once more...  
A warm white spurt of cum squirts into your hand.  
"Oh, you dirty boy. You filthy, filthy little boy..." you chuckle quietly, pulling your fingers from his ass and spilling the ejaculate from your cupped hand onto his back. It situated in the two little indentations above his buttcheeks.  
Cartman glances back, as if to question what the fuck you're doing. You just grin in response, massaging the jizz into his dimples of Venus. He giggles in response, evidently understanding. Or maybe he's just sensitive there. Either way, you grab a handful of his shapely ass and feel it in your hand. Another moan, deep from his throat, comes out. "You're such a naughty boy..."  
You sink your hand into the depths of his ass, then pull it back out. "Oh, I think you need some punishment..."  
You grab a paddle from the nightstand. "This one big enough?"  
He nods enthusiastically as you whack it against his supple asscheeks. His hips drop back onto the surface of the bed and he loudly groans, farting as you continue to spank him. "God, I haven't taken a dump in over a week..."  
You smile and set down the paddle. "You know, I noticed, and I think you might be glad that I made this pie." You pick up the raspberry pie from the nightstand and take the lid off its container.  
He purrs and strokes his own bloated stomach. "Feed me..."  
You grin and poke the fork through the crust. Scooping up a bite, you lower it into his gaping mouth and drop it inside. He giggles as you scoop up another.  
"You know what? Fuck this shit, it'll take forever." You slice into the pie using the side of the fork and cut a nice big piece. Smirking, you cram it into his mouth.  
He gags at first, but then chews it up and gulps it down. "Damn, that was good...gimme another."  
You cut a thicker piece this time, grazing your finger through the sugary glaze on top before stuffing it in his mouth. He chews slower this time, savoring the raspberry filling. Waiting for him to swallow, you dip your tongue into his navel, pressing hard at the bottom. You swirl your tongue around, sucking at the surrounding skin. Passionately, you grab handfuls of his soft, luscious love handles.  
"Swallow already," you demand, shooting him a glance in spite of the fact that you've been patient beforehand. He obeys.  
"God, now you're being a good boy...and you've finished half of your pie! Do you like your pie, Eric?"  
"Hell yeah, I like my pie!" Cartman responds, licking the stray filling from his lips.  
"Well, what if I..."  
Without finishing that sentence, you grabbed the pie and began smearing it all over his stomach.  
He stares in disbelief. "No-NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! My pie-my wonderful pie!"  
You cackle maniacally as you rub the sticky raspberry filling into his soft skin. "How do you feel about your pie now?"  
Cartman leans toward you, clearly upset, when he suddenly springs up from the bed and dashes into the bathroom as fast as he can go.  
"Where you going?" You stare knowingly at him.  
He gazes back at you, now on the toilet, clutching his stomach. "What...what was IN that pie?" He groans, a pained expression creeping onto his face.  
You smugly grin back. "Nothing unusual...raspberries, sugar, flour... oh, and a ton of laxatives."  
Cartman's eyes snap open wide. "L-laxatives?! Why did you put..."  
The laxatives officially kicked in at that moment.  
As he flushes out his system for the first time in ten days, he begins sobbing.  
"Don't cry..."  
"It hurts...it hurts really bad..." He sniffs, squirming on the seat.  
"Hey." You run your hand down the side of his cheek, pulling his chin up so you can look into his eyes. "I didn't mean to make you hurt..."  
"Don't put laxatives in my pie again..."  
"You were constipated for ten days. For fucks sake!" You take your hands off him.  
"Well, at least it tasted good!" He chimes, looking on the bright side.  
He looks up for a second, understanding. "You know, if I wasn't having such horrible diarrhea right now, I would make out with you."  
You climb into his lap. "You really think THAT'S a problem? Eric, I can look past the fact that you're taking a huge shit right now and make out with you if you can get down with it."  
Straddling him, your arms wrap around his shoulders and your groin gently pushes against his fat rolls. You crane your neck down and grind your lips into his, your tongue working its way into his mouth once again. You can feel him messily solving his constipation problem, but it's not a distraction-if anything, it's a relief for both of you. He'll stop whining about his cramps.  
One of your hands runs through his hair, the other strokes at his still-distended belly. You pull your tongue out, separating your lips from his. "You're adorable..."  
"I know. I'm the cutest little muffin in the whole world. At least, that's what my mom says..."  
"You have the cutest little muffin top in the world, that's for sure." You poke at his tummy again, your finger sinking into its squishy mass. "And I mean that in a good way, not in a mean way. Are you done crapping yet?"  
He nods, and you clean him up and carry him back into the bedroom.  
As the two of you lay in bed, nearly asleep, you can feel a blissful wave of completeness as you spoon him. You still grip at his pudgy body, but less forcefully, not as aggressively sexual. It's almost blissful.  
That is, until he farts, loudly and shamelessly, directly onto your crotch.  
"Eric... damn it." You snicker.  
He cracks a mischievous grin. You pinch his ass once and kiss him on the cheek before pulling out of the position, resting your head on his belly, and falling fast asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I WARNED YOU, OKAY? YOU JUST DIDN'T LISTEN.  
> This is probably one of the most ridiculous and irreverent things I have ever written. This makes The 120 Days of Sodom look like Goodnight Moon.  
> I'm sorry.


End file.
